decayed

hello. not been here in a long time so not sure what's going on but if anyone could help me i'd really appreciate it. i think i'm going mad; i just submitted a piece & you can see it here http://www.deviantart.com/view/19478168/ but it's not showing up on my page as it normally would either under the general gallery or in most recent pieces on my front page. is it just me who can't see it? to my knowledge i haven't violated any rules & i only submitted the piece minutes ago. agh, help please? :heart:

you said that you'd always be there for me, that you'd always care. well where are you right now? i dont' want to hear any more lies & promises that you know you won't keep. everything is wrong. i don't know how it can be fixed.

I feel so blue. Nothing has life to it, it's all so dark &dull. It gets hard to pretend sometimes &when I'm alone I cry until I really think that I can cry no more &razorblades scream out to me. Sometimes I'll just hold the blade in my hand, pleading with something to take these feelings away. & I sit there numb. Lost. In a world so far away from the one in which everyone lives. & I wonder, how did it get to this? How did I become this? but it's no use. how to fight lonliness? smile all the time. laugh at every joke  but it just doesn't work. I think I'm broken. I thought that I was ok, thought I was never going back. stupid. I'll never